The science of SCANDAL

DRAMA. We all hate it - which is exactly why we can't get enough of it. T.V.'s VH1 may have capitalized upon this niche the most effectively in recent days. Not to slight the classic Star and National Examiner tabloids (you guys have also done a great job creating unnecessary drama).

For example: VH1 ratings busters

I Love (to hate) New York .......... two seasons
Rock of Love (most of those girls belong in a brothel) ............. two seasons
Flavor of Love (that clock-wearing grandpa AGAIN?) .............. THREE seasons

It's impossible to count how many people I've heard (myself included) say "I hate drama. I just stay away from it." Bull. We all have it. Most psychologists agree that people tend to deal with pseudo reality much better than The Real World (no tv pun intended). Why are shows like Laguna Beach and The OC so popular, anyway?

The theme here (thank you, VH1) is: Watch & Discuss. Girls can talk about those spoiled children on Laguna all day long... and it will never come back to haunt them. It's the perfect storm of gossip.

So here's the marketing spin. Want more details on Heidi and Spencer's relationship? Visit VH1.com. Can't get enough of Trump and Rosie's verbal battle? Check out Rosie's talk show. Need some behind-the-scenes action of the original Flavor of Love? Get never-before seen video clips on the web site!

My question is this: what if all scandals are just brilliant publicity stunts? We hear accusations of this nature all the time, but how do we prove them either way? Better visit Bret Michael's web page to find out.

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Welcome to the Abercrombie & Fitch Emergency Department & Trauma Center

Nationwide Children's Hospital in Columbus, Ohio was constructed with help from a 50 million dollar donation from the insurance mecca. It's no surprise that any legitimate organization, particularly a children's hospital, is more than happy to accept such a generous donation. Children's hospitals are an illustration of innocence and a hope for brighter futures- an affiliation plenty of companies would pay top dollar of which to be a part.

Clothing retailer Abercrombie & Fitch agrees. Nationwide Children's Hospital is about to break ground on the Abercrombie & Fitch Emergency Department & Trauma Center after receiving a 10 million dollar donation from the clothing giant. On the way in, you can also stop by the Limited Too and Justice Main Lobby. No, seriously.

Maybe we could build a new home for the President of the United States and call it the Ronald McDonald House. White is a boring color anyway.

As most are aware, A&F has a reputation for utilizing increasingly risque advertising, and is often accused of targeting young adults and adolescent teens with sex appeal.

You don't have to be a Seth Godin to realize the conflict of interest at hand. Advocacy groups have collaborated in a minor uproar against A&F's strategy. It's easy to see Abercrombie's motivation behind such a donation (there's only so many times you can hear "clean up your act" before the corporate PR team has to do something). Nevertheless, a donation to a Children's hospital just gives Abercrombie's image a little bit of sleaze. A donation fueled by guilt, even.

Not to take it to the extreme, but basic psychology tells us that people often are the strongest advocates for a cause in which they secretly partake. Let's go down the list:

Mark Foley
Larry Craig
Eliot Spitzer

It's anyone's argument whether NCH should have accepted the donation. To be the devil's advocate, that money is going toward something that will truly benefit society. But a question of ethics? Definitely. Although it would never happen, an anonymous donation would have been best suited.

Down the drain and back again

Let me begin by saying that the United States still fares far better than the rest of the world in public water (both in quality and availability). Just ask anyone who's taken a trip down south. Far south. Water is so easy to get that most of us just take it for granted; which is why it's no surprise this recent study has been receiving national attention. Better go get your Brita filter now before they sell out tomorrow.

The study maintains that the city water distributed to more than 40 million Americans has traces of everything from "medicines used to treat anxiety, epilepsy, asthma, angina, and in some places, traces of a sex hormone." No, seriously. That's quite a cocktail. Fortunately, the research states that each drug is found only in the parts per thousand and would take massive amounts of consumption to yield any undesirable effect. Unfortunately, most people won't pay attention to that part.

Long live the bottle.

So after reading several articles similar to the one linked above, I began to wonder what the ultimate response will be to all these shenanigans. Bottled water, anyone?
By coincidence (or not), Pepsi & Starbucks have recently gotten a little smitten with one another, launching a new bottled water campaign.



I'm not necessarily implying that all of this media is premeditated, but who's to say it isn't? Bottled water has long been on the rise.

And to think I drank out of the garden hose as a child.

America's affair with sex scandals

In you've been able to evade recent political scandals, here's your official update.

New York Governor, Eliot Spitzer was recently implicated on charges regarding his involvement with a high-class prostitution ring. The guy was caught on a federal wiretap. If this goes as expected, his PR team will be spending the remainder of his term (which will probably be his last) recovering from the embarrassment he has brought to himself, his family, and the New York legislature. Good goin', Eliot.

Now take a moment to get beyond his sleaziness. Everyone, to some degree has some skeletons in the closet. Spitzer's case, however, surfaces after he gained some national attention for his work fighting corporate money scandals and indicting prostitution rings. No joke. Loads of people undoubtedly feel some outrage, especially since his salary is paid with New York tax dollars. But here's my question:

Are the sexual endeavors of politicians, no matter how twisted, the biggest issue concerning voters? Should they ever be?

Of course, everyone would like to see a squeaky clean JKF take the stage. But in the light of the Moncia Lewinsky 'blow job in the Oval Office' scandal, Jerry Springer's removal from mayor of Cincinnati (he wrote a check for a prostitute), and countless other American political sex scandals... what purpose does the prosecution of these individuals really serve? Without a doubt, Spitzer should be punished, just like Bill Clinton was for lying. At most, though, this news should be given a day to live and should die.

Spitzer is going to get what's coming to him, one way or another. There are far more important issues that deserve the media spotlight, though.

Here's the bottom line (pay attention MSNBC, CNN, C-SPAN, and FOX):

Leave the social drama for E! and MTV to make a reality show. Let's keep American media classy while we still have a fighting chance.